retirement home

So I went out to eat with my BRE since she was in town. There was a new restaurant that recently opened up on Market called "Blue Fig." They have a big multi-colored neon sign out front and they were recently featured in the local newspaper thingy i get every other week that highlights stuff in the Fairlawn area. In the article they showed the interior and how they have all these new big flatscreen TVs everywhere and a new bar area and it seemed like a sports bar eatery type of place. When i drive-by on the weekends, the parking lot always looks decently full, so I decided to give it a try.

Big mistake. Big. Huge!

So as we enter, we look around and quickly realize that we are the youngest people in there by at least three decades. the serving staff was really awkward too, and we ended up with some socially retarded dyke waitress, and I made every attempt to stymie her awkward attempts and being a cool/joke-y waitress. I mean, I realize why the staff is so downtrodden - since they have to deal with the geriatric ward every day, who you totally know do not tip well, since they lost all their money in the Depression, and what little they have left they use on their meds and for hip replacements.

So in order to make the evening more fun, we decided to be same-siders in our booth. This created an added dimension to what would have been an otherwise normal outing. I think the hetero-same-siding threw off our dyke waitress too. Maybe that's why she was so awkward. Because she totally wanted Rachel's pussy, but i was there cooch-blocking her by always being there by Rachel's side, and therefore always facing the waitress.

The bar area contained two extremely wrinkly guys and two moderately decrepit cougars. That was two-a-piece for me and Rachel. It was like an all you can eat buffet at the bar. prime for the taking. or rather, past their prime for the taking.

So anyway, my restaurant review for the Blue Fig is an F-. I'm never going back there ever.

social skills

So, i ran into this lady i know and she happened to be with her husband, who i have never met. As she was introducing me to her husband she was telling him about what i do for a living and we all started talking about environmental stuff. To continue the conversation, i asked the husband "what do you do?" He said, "i drive a cement truck for construction." and i was totally thrown off. I had no idea what to say. I had no follow-up question. nothing. blank. The job is pretty much self-explanatory, and it's not really interesting enough to spur a conversation. I felt so bad just sitting there not saying anything, but i had nothing to work with. luckily i had a drink, so i was just sipping that, concentrating on drinking. after about 5 seconds of silence between us, he just nodded his head and said "yep." I forget how we got the ball rolling again, but by then, i already felt so bad and awkward for my unintended condescension, it was all just a lost cause. I'm always one of those people who try to relive past moments to see what i could have (or should have) done differently but i am still at a loss. I still cannot think of a follow-up question or any comment to "i drive a cement truck," especially when that phrase follows a whole conversation about me being an engineer.

how to kill with a knife

i think this has to be one of my favorite stories of the year.
so this guy from England totally killed his hilarious wife and retarded 9-month old baby.
I was being mad-libby there, sorry.
When the police confiscated his computer, and used the magical powers of internettery, they had found that earlier that week he had googled "how to kill with a knife." That is the funniest thing i ever did hear. I love this on so many levels.
First off, it's so funny that he didn't know how to kill someone with a knife. apparently the whole stabbing or slicing or slitting motion never occurred to him. Even throwing the knife like a dagger would work. there really are unlimited options.
Secondly, let's pretend that he wasn't a complete idiot, and the concept of the sharpness of the knife + the fragility of the skin = bleeding to death did occur to him, is he just crazy geeky and wanted to find the most efficient manner in which to kill his family then? Did he not want to make a mess? Or did he just want to do it in the fastest manner so as to inflict as little pain as possible. so many questions.....once again, unlimited options.
Third, i love the idea that he thought there would be websites that would explain to him how to kill someone with a knife. I love how we are in the age where if there is any doubt or question in our mind, one of the first things we say to ourselves is "i'll look it up on the internet." Like, "hmmm... i think i want to kill my family. i'll go look up how to on the internet."

Apparently there wasn't good enough information on the interweb about killing people with knives, because he ended up shooting them. That or he was just distracted since he was also uploading naked pictures of himself onto the website "Adult Sex Finder." This guy is a laugh a minute. In the words of RW Hollywood Sarah: "what a dbag!" LOLz.

clubbin'

so i'm at a conference all week. And it's at the the Washington Duke Inn & Golf Club at Duke University in Durham, NC. Let me tell you, this place is the shit. They treat you goooood here. Luckily, everyday, the talks only last about 4 hours. The rest of the time is dedicated to eating and activities. And the food here is amazing. The activities, not so much though. If you are like me, and many of the people i know here, you just skip the activities and go do whatever you want. Many poeple drove down here or rented cars from the airport, so they are set. I just get to lounge around the club, which is not a problem at all, trust me. For today's conference activities, the options were A) golf outing (ick) or B) tour of some Porsche collection (yawn). I chose write-in option C) lay by the pool at the Faculty Club. Once again, they treat you good there. And when it's 98 degrees (for serious, no correlation to Nick Lachey) and perfectly sunny, there's no better place to be than poolside. Especially not on the golf course dying of heat stroke. stroke - that's a golf joke, in case it went unnoticed. A little birdie told it to me. i think the it was an eagle..... So anyways, tomorrow's activity of a power plant tour (a plant i've been to twice already and will be returning to next month) is once again totally skippable, so i will be poolside once again, lounging around, drinking, enjoying life in the South, surrounded by tobacco farms and southern hospitality. Life is good.....

titular

So i was reading this article about Jodie Sweetin and the title of the article was "From Meth Addict to New Mom." and they didn't even talk about the meth in the interview, so it was obviously unimportant and unrelated to her being a new mom, but they totally decided to just throw it into the title anyway. How RUDE!